Friday, January 13, 2017

Loring Park Episode #67: The Smell of Hospitals in the Winter










People love roller coasters. Okay, there's always gonna be that friend with a vertigo problem or propensity toward nausea who can't stand roller coasters, or pregnant ladies, or people with bad backs, but for the most part, people love roller coasters. They're called "thrill rides" for a reason. Up, down, up, down, loop upside down at 70 miles per hour. Nobody goes to the amusement park just to sit on a bench.

I had to work my way up to roller coasters as a kid. The High Roller was my favorite. It wasn't super high and at the end there were three hills in a row and you got that fun feeling of your stomach about to fall out of your throat (okay, it's "fun" when you're nine. Maybe not so much now). The first time I went on the Corkscrew I had to ride with a stranger who was a teenage boy and I was an effete child and I was so terrified of both him and the ride that I blacked out for 45 seconds. I don't remember anything about it, about the boy's friends laughing at the picture that was taken and wanting to buy it. I worked my way up to ones like Wild Thing and Steel Venom, and now I love roller coasters. Flip me upside down, send me down the hill. I went on the Cyclone at Coney Island and it was so rickety I had to take muscle relaxers for a week when I got home. I have kissed friends, made friends, and pretended to be asleep on the Wild Thing when it's time for the picture. I will scream with a smile and want to do it all over again if the lines aren't too long.

Roller coasters are exhilarating and unpredictable. They're wild, they're crazy, they're fun.

But here's the catch: They are also only meant to last a short amount of time. They are not designed to be enjoyed forever. At some point, the ride has to come to a complete stop. What if you were on the Wild Thing all day long? You have to get off the roller coaster. You can't be on the roller coaster all day long. Stop the ride. I'm feeling sick. Again? No, please. I know what's coming now. We go down the hill. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't feel well. I want to stop but now people are screaming and I have to pretend I'm having fun WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

The roller coaster finally derailed somewhere between 2 and 3 A.M. on New Year's Day 2017. It may have seemed like an abrupt stop to the ride, but it had been a long fucking time coming.